Am I being threatened?

This post is very much out of character with the rest of my writings but if I may beg the indulgence of my audience for a personal matter I would be grateful.

I shall begin with some facts about my place of residence for matters that will eventually become clear.

I live in a flat. I have three flats which adjoin me: one above, one below and another to my right (as seen from standing outside my front door). The flats were built across 2003/04 and I have been living there (and paying a mortgage on it) since then. The inside of the flat is carpeted with the exception of the bathroom and the kitchen.

Scene set? Then away we go.

Last Saturday (June 18th for the avoidance of doubt) I was at home doing my ironing whilst watching V for Vendetta on BBC3 (2100 – 2305 hrs) when, shortly before 2200, I had a knock on my door. Answering the door I see a gentleman that I don’t recall ever seeing until that moment. He tells me that he is from the flat below (at this point, to the best of my knowledge, the only people I knew who lived there where a mother and her daughter and they have been in there since 2008) and informs me that he can hear my television. Whilst personally I didn’t think that it was particularly loud I nevertheless apologised for disturbing him and said I’d turn it down. Call me naive but at this point, if the roles were reversed, I’d have said thank you and gone back to my own flat. His parting words were (and I know I’m paraphrasing here) something like “Don’t make me have to come up here again.”

Scroll forward to this evening (June 24th) and I’m at home about to clear up after some cake baking when I hear a knock at the door. They knock again before I can get to the door. Now I do not for the life of me know why I did it but before I opened the door I looked through the spy hole to see who the caller was. However I couldn’t see anything because it was being obscured by a hand or some part there of. Considering this suspicious I did something I simply cannot recall ever doing before and put the safety chain on. Then I opened the door. My caller is the same gentleman from Saturday and he wants to complain about the noise he said I made when I got home last night.

Last night (June 23rd) I went out for a meal with a friend. I got home just after 2230 and went up to my room. I can’t be exact on the timing of getting through the door but I do know that I sent this tweet at 2240. My activities once I got home were to undress, carve some ham so I could make a roll for my midmorning snack the next day, have something non-alcoholic to drink, clear up the mess of clothes and other personal items from my bed where they had all been unceremoniously dumped and perform my nightly ablutions. I sent my last tweet at 0002 but didn’t do to bed until almost 0100 as I was talking to someone on instant messenger for much later than I had intended to. During this time I was in and out of my bedroom a few times (I don’t know how many but it was probably more than 10) and because I hadn’t used a doorstop to pin the door open (all the doors are fire doors and – with the exception of the bathroom – have returns on them) it was closing behind me all of the time.

He tells me that my actions once I got home last night woke him up and that he heard every door close. I am also informed that I woke up the five year old girl as well. Given that I often let the door close behind me – and at all hours – and I have never yet had any complaints from my neighbours about it I was rather surprised but did the only thing I can do which is apologise and say that I’ll try to be more careful in future. This though isn’t enough for him. He is upset at me because I do not wish to open the door fully to speak with him. He tells me that he had to get up at 5AM to go to work and didn’t appreciate the interrupted sleep. He apparently believes me to be a dosser but I don’t know why. He says that he is a builder and that he knows some people – although without qualifying this. He mentions that he knows I am a cyclist and that he knows where the bike shed on the development is.

To my ears none of this was said in a polite tone and I did more than once say to him – mostly in reply to his repeated demands I open the door fully – that I believed him to be threatening me. I did also indicate that I would call the police and did at one point even call out to my lodger (who was in and heard all of this) to dial 999.

Once I had finally closed the door on him I could hear him in the hallway and, although I cannot confirm this as I didn’t go to the spy hole and check, it seemed he was on the phone to someone and he certainly mentioned my flat number.

Afterwards the first thing I did was to have a chat with my lodger just to make sure that it wasn’t just me who thought he was threatening. I was at this point shaking. The tears came later.

Various people on twitter as well as my dad have advised me to call the police. I’m still unsure as to whether or not to do this as if they have a word with him then he knows what I have done and that could make matters worse. However if I do nothing they could get worse anyway.

In the meantime I shall watch myself whilst closing the bedroom door just to be on the safe side and keep a wary eye out for strangers loitering in the area. I will also try over the weekend to pop into the nearest open police station and ask for some advice and I shall check to see if the old dictaphone a previous lodger left works so that if I get another performance I can record the incident.

Update: I went to the Police Station this morning (Sat June 25th) to report the matter and now have an incident number. I’m told that someone will be in touch.

Update 2: The police came visiting this morning (Sun June 26th). They read the printed copy of this post, listened to me and agreed that his reaction sounded somewhat OTT. They had a quick glance at the TV to satisfy themselves that I don’t have a set-up which would rival Disaster Area’s sound system and advised me to be slightly more cautious about things like door closing as sound does apparently carry more than I thought in these flats. I got the distinct impression that they have been here before for noise complaints – and potentially more.

Afterwards they went to see him and get his side of the story but he wasn’t in.

20 Comments

  1. Invest in CCTV (it’s not pricey these days), stick a cam by the door. And inform the council of a nuisance neighbour, I think it’s more their remit now – they’ll probably love to have a go at being important.

    Apart from that, the threats are probably just bullying bluster, so ignore them. If he has a kid, the last thing he wants is to be carted to the nick and have social services poke their noses into his family life.

    • JuliaM says:

      The council AND the police. They should be taking a lot more steps these days to nip this sort of thing in the bud, given the other cases that have backfired on them.

      “If he has a kid, the last thing he wants is to be carted to the nick and have social services poke their noses into his family life.”

      That’s a nice comforting thought. But seeing some people’s ideas of parenting, not one I’d rely on much…

      • Misanthrope Girl says:

        So far as I am aware he is not the father of the child, merely the mother’s current bedwarmer.

  2. Ancient&Tattered Airman says:

    What a disagreeable creature he is. It is more than possible that your modern flat does permit the sounds of door closing etceterato carry through the adjoining structure but there are ways to inform a neighbour of this without being objectionable about it. I deplore the lack of manners in todays population. Please notify the council as Dick has suggested.

  3. woodsy42 says:

    Do as advised and talk to the police, at least then if it escalates you were first. As a side issue if I lived there I would remove the autoclosers on the frequently used doors, awful things, they can indeed make an irritating noise that carries through buildings and they make me feel claustrophobic.

  4. Miriam Said says:

    This looks like the beginning of a harrassment.

    Keep a written diary.

    Record every interaction with this person, by dictaphone or CCTV

    If there is a neighbourhood watch, inform them of what has happened so far and if they can keep a look out for you.

    Inform the police and the council. Advise the police and the council that you believe that you have been threatened and that you feel at risk.

    It may be worthwhile to ask the council if they would like to do a noise test on your flat to see if you are able to reduce any noise.

    Politely ask your other neighbours if they are having a problem hearing your fire doors close or of any other noise they may be able to hear. Tell them you are trying to look at ways of reducing any noise and ask them if the guy has harassed any of them as well.

    You do not have to open your door to this person, ever. If he is ever at your door and acting aggresivley in any way, ring the police, don’t tell him you are ringing the police, but let the police hear what is going on over the telephone.

    If someone covers the spy hole, do not answer the door, ever.

    Tell everyone and stay safe.

  5. JuliaM says:

    Sorry this has happened to you. It’s good that you have a lodger, though worrying that the harassment didn’t stop even after he knew that..

    • Misanthrope Girl says:

      I suspect he didn’t take any notice of my comment or thought that I was telling porkies as he didn’t actually see the lodger.

  6. Gildas the Monk says:

    You are definitely right to be concerned and it is very understandable you were upset
    You must, in my view, take the matter to the Police and make sure they take this matter seriously. You should invest in a dictaphone and keep it to hand, If there are any further “conversations” it would be good to have a record off them. I would also invest in some personal protection items. Alarms and so forth. Are you allowed to carry pepper spray
    In a civilized world, the local bobby would give him a visit and make matters plain. Failing that, we’d send the boys round. But we don’t live in a civilized world. Sadly.
    G the M

  7. John says:

    Don’t be afraid to call him out on his threats. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you understand exactly the veiled nature of his threats and that you will not wait for much longer before lodging a formal complaint about him and his visits to you late at night.

    Tell him you can hear him clumping around downstairs but since you live in flats you accept that’s part and parcel of the living arrangements. Friendship between neighbouring flatowners is a very positive thing, bullying and aggression will be met with same. If he wants to escalate it then he needs to take it up with the freeholders or management company. In fact – that’s exactly what you should do.

    If he’s a builder then he should build himself a fucking house. With soundproofing. In the Hebrides.

    If you don’t nip this aggression from the outset, it will only get worse I’m afraid.

  8. Sue says:

    If he bothers you again, record his voice on your mobile. Keep a record of every time he complains and what is said. If it should come to anything, you have proof of his threatening behaviour.

  9. Sue says:

    As Gildas says, some personal protection too. I don´t think pepper spray is legal in the UK but any hairspray, deodorant or household cleaning spray will have the same effect.

  10. Goddamnit. As ever, ordinary people must live in fear because we have been disarmed. Still, Sue’s got a point.

  11. PT says:

    I used to have a ground floor flat. Carpets or not, the floorboard-creaking from upstairs was constant, I could follow every footstep, every late night urination, and record every conversation from upstairs. Sometimes the banging and crashing made it sound as if I was living under the ring during a tag-wrestling match. It’s a pity no architect or builder has ever been bankrupted in a lawcourt for such shoddy, pinchpenny construction, or that building regs do not adequately prevent these problems.
    Having to live in circumstances that force you to tiptoe through your life, sneezing only gently and an attack of flatulence unthinkable, would be reason enough for me to move out at the first opportunity. I wouldn’t need another excuse from any neighbouring bully.
    As for advice? I think the commenters above have it covered.

  12. bob the builder says:

    Your flat was built in 2003/4, it therefore will conform to UK Building Regulations. The regs that apply to sound proofing are Approved Document E ‘Resistance to the Passage of Sound’ 2003 edition plus amendments 2004. Available for download here:
    http://www.planningportal.gov.uk/uploads/br/BR_PDF_ADE_2003.pdf.

    Download it, print it off and if the wanker comes round again give him a copy, and tell him to take the matter up with the building control department of the local council as he obviously thinks the flats are constructed in violation of building regulations.

    When speaking to him I suggest that you speak in a whisper. If he asks why you are whispering tell him that as his hearing is obviously accutely sensitive you dont want to damage it by speaking at normal volume. He might just realise that you are taking the piss and decide that its best to give up. Failing that I am willing to come round and start a stihl saw ( noisy chainsaw engine powered concrete cutting circular saw)up outside his front door at six am every morning until he gets the message and stops pissing about.

  13. jameshigham says:

    We’ve just been involved in the other side of the coin where the woman has been causing all sorts of noise at all hours and it’s driving everyone batty. I feel a post coming on about this.

  14. Gallovidian says:

    Sadly bullying is now part of our sad excuse for a society and good manners are dead.

    You are correct to inform the police and get a complaint number, there is then a paper trail and the police are more likely to respond actively if the paperwork indicates that they should. Do not hestitate to keep complaining, even dial 999, people of that type will probably be known to the police already.

  15. Ed P says:

    Have you considered taking up tap dancing? Or cobbling (a very satifying hobby I’m told)

    Despite the building regulations mentioned above, most, even purpose-built, flats have problems with sound spreading. But this man is unreasonable and you should not need to modify your quite reasonable behaviour for his benefit.

    5-year old girl & he’s not the father? Hmm,kiddy-fiddler alert!