Feelin’ hot hot hot

Throughout our history humanity has always felt the need to go just that little bit further, jump that little bit higher, run that little bit faster, eat that little bit much hotter curry.

Yes, we’ve conquered Everest, scaled the north face of the Eiger, reached the poles, broken the sound barrier, run a mile in less than 4 minutes and the 100 metres in less than 10 seconds, and now we are pushing the limits of endurance when it comes to how hot a curry the human body can stand.

Being a bit of a wimp I don’t go for very hot curries myself, preferring something of about the Balti level of spiciness, but I have on a few occasions seen a Phall, generally regarded as one of the hottest forms of curry available, consumed.

One was by a former colleague who was rather egged on by the rest of us and you could almost see the steam rising from his ears. The other was by a, sadly now deceased, Indian gentleman who used to play for the cricket team I score for and asked who for it without even looking at the menu.

This though pales in comparison to ‘Kismot Killer’ served up by the Kismot Restaurant in Edinburgh as part of a charity curry eating contest. Made with the Naga Jolokia chilli, which weighs in at over one million Scoville units, this curry can safely be described as rather hot.

So hot indeed that participants were required to sign a legal disclaimer prior to taking part in the competition.

Even given this fair warning, 20 people decided to take part but half of them backed out after seeing the effect that it had on the other 10. Those effects? Vomiting, collapsing, sweating and panting.

So badly were some of the contestants affected that the two members of the Red Cross there to assist were overwhelmed and ambulances had to be called to deal with some of them.

This has, of course, led to the usual weasel words from the powers that be:

Local councillor Gordon Mackenzie (LD) branded the event a “shambles” and said: “The owners owe a debt to the ambulance service, and I hope they’ll find some way of making it up to them.”

A spokesman for the ambulance service said: “We would urge the organisers to review the way in which this event is managed in future in order to avoid another situation where emergency ambulances are required to treat their customers.”

Typically both the councillor and the ambulance service have, in the time honoured fashion, failed to blame those responsible but instead have chosen to attack those who enabled them to do so. In much the same way as shops and bars get blamed for people behaving like idiots whilst drinking.

All those who participated in this took part at their own risk. Indeed they even signed a waiver to this fact. The responsibility for their actions therefore lies with them, not the restaurant. If you want someone to blame, blame them.

Therefore how about asking them if they are going to make it up to the ambulance service? You know, direct your attacks at the correct target for once?

Nah, will never happen.


  1. Chalcedon says:

    Surely everyone knows Nagas are VERY hot? I ordered a phall once. Ignorant tit that I was. It was just that I hadn’t seen one on a menu before and stupidly didn’t ask what exactly it was. It was a take away. I managed to eat half of it. and I like spicey curries too. Big mistake. My embarassment was fortunately at home and not in front of loads of diners.

    a friend of my brother tried neat capsaicin which is several million Scovies. He had to inject his tongue with lignocaine as the pain became unbearable. Now that was really stupid!

  2. JuliaM says:

    My brother loves hot curries, but he only ever tried a phall once. Just the fumes coming off it were enough for me!

  3. jameshigham says:

    Therefore how about asking them if they are going to make it up to the ambulance service? You know, direct your attacks at the correct target for once?

    No easy money in that.

  4. Kevin says:

    Local councilor Gordon Mackenzie owes a debt of around 300 million to the people of Edinburgh for his gross incompetence over the Edinburgh tramway.


    I hope he’ll find some way of making it up to them.

    • Misanthrope Girl says:

      I doubt it. Best we can hope for is that they make it up to him by showing him the door come election time…