Me, myself and everybody else
The title of this blog, and the tagline which goes with it, is no accident. Originating from the Greek words misos (“hatred”) and anthrōpos, (“man, human being”), misanthrophy is defined as a hatred, dislike, or distrust of humankind
– an attitude which sums me up very well.
Obviously this is a generalisation as it is, objectively, impossible to hate people I have never had the displeasure of interacting with. It is also not to say that I hate everyone I have ever met.
As unbelieveable as it might sound there are people out there I count as friends – though God knows why they put up with me. I do not however suffer fools. There is no gladly about it – if you give me cause to think that you are a fool (and the barrier is not a high one) then you can expect me to treat you with contempt. The more of an idiot I rate you, the greater the level of contempt you will receive. No one is spared… regardless of whether they are faceless organisations, politicians, people I only deal with occassionally, colleagues, former friends, or family – even if I do just about manage to pull my punches when dealing with the latter.
That does not however tell the whole story, as a recent tweet of mine makes clear:
I’ve realised I have two problems in life: myself and everyone else. This is, on reflection, a bit of a problem. #wellandtrulyscrewed
Yes, that’s right. In addition to my severe dislike of my own species, I am not a fan of myself.
Like Arnold Rimmer I am plagued by a sub-consciousness which apparently hates me and is known to play back the worst episodes of my life whenever it fancies – usually when things seem to be looking up. When it isn’t doing that, it is want to worry over some issues like a dog given a bone and will repeatedly come back to them long after they should have been put to bed. My internal critic is a hyperactive bastard who simply won’t shut up.
To make matters worse, it isn’t even consistent. Like a barometer my mood – and thus my tolerance level – varies. Sometimes I can be almost normal, other times (such as now) I am almost impossible to deal with to the extent that, when I realise, I hate myself even more and I find myself breaking down in tears at my own inadequacies.
Thus I am caught on the horns of a dilemma: if I withdraw from the world, I have to put up with my own self-loathing yet if I hide from that I have to put up with humanity.
There is, of course, a third altenative but whilst I have, to date, written three notes I have yet to summon up the courage and/or stupidity to actually follow through.
Of the three less than welcoming options, the most attractive one appears to be becoming a recluse. Having survived 33 years of myself so far I can at least take comfort from the thought that I am getting closer to the downhill stretch whilst it reduces the amount of stupidity generated by our species on a hourly basis I have to put up with.
Sadly my circumstances don’t make that possible at the present time.
And there I was thinking you were quite charming. I’ll have to substitute an image in my head of a po-faced female ‘old git’ instead now. Shame.
Old git? Yes. Po-faced? No.
In addition to my severe dislike of my own species, I am not a fan of myself.
Hey Clarissa.
That’s is not bad default starting point.
It demonstrates both intelligence and empathy. If only more of us were able to articulate that thought so clearly, we would all be in a better place.
You are the key.
I recommend staying lightly sozzled for about four years and then taking Ecstasy…
Worked for me.
DK
Don’t know about the E but the lightly sozzled part seems very attractive…
I am sorry for you. Perhaps you might consider being a little less sorry for yourself?
Warm regards,
Alan
As humans, we are flawed. We do a lot of things wrongly, we piss people off, and sometimes our ability to learn is as hopeless as Homer Simpson (Bang, “D’oh”; Bang, “D’oh”; Bang, “D’oh”). And, as my parish priest once put it “In fiction, good people do good things, and bad people do bad things. In real life good people often do bad things”.
Mind, I’m nobody to talk: Mrs D had to explain that “The Stepford Wives” was about overthrowing a tyranny of oppression, and not about the downfall of a Utopian society
I can accept people doing things wrong – I’m as bad as everyone else in that respect. What I can’t deal with is those who either a) don’t even bother trying or b) repeatedly make the same mistakes. I don’t tolerate that in myself, so I don’t see why I should put up with it in anyone else.
As for the Stepford Wives thing, have you seen the Good Wife’s Guide? Not sure you want to show it to Mrs D though…
While you may be a complete ogre underneath for all I know, on the outside you have the charming quality of at actually wanting to do stuff rather than simply moaning about it. Of course, you do plenty of moaning too but not exclusively – unlike many – and that shows integrity.
I can only suggest extending your proactive attitude your inner life, don’t confine yourself to moaning about your inner workings, if there are actually qualities of character that could be improved, then recognise and improve them. Excercise that integrity and act as you would have yourself act. Even if it takes bloody ages then it’s better than option 3, and if you want to stay inside in the meantime then so be it, though we’ll miss you down the pub.
In the short term you’ll still have the dubious pleasure of my company in the R&C on a regular basis as that, at least, is a haven of sanity in a world of utter stupidity.
Long term? No promises.
I was unsure whether to write a “bloody well pull yourself together” type note or a more supportive one. In the end I decided on truth and will just say this.
Anyone who can write the stuff you consistently come out with is neither beyond hope or without obvious talent and intelligence. If you have that, anything else is possible, you just need to know what you want.
I do not however suffer fools. There is no gladly about it – if you give me cause to think that you are a fool (and the barrier is not a high one) then you can expect me to treat you with contempt.
Which is interesting because I’m noted for that myself – giving idiots short shrift, so if we’re both doing it, where does that leave us? And my blog – nourishing obscurity – just leave me alone in peace.
Yet I wouldn’t mind meeting a handful of people, yourself included … but not all at once. Group things have me running a mile. I hsould think there are many of us out here, thinking roughly along the same lines. I something happening to us all?
” … I have, to date, written three notes …”
“Goodbye cruel world …
I’m off to join the circus.” (Must like clowns)
I’m emigrating to Australia.” (Must like poisonous things)
I’m emigrating to Canada.” (Must be desperate)
Try New Zealand. Not many people – South Island is the size of England with about 800,000 people on it. (Must like sheep).
DK’s suggestion has merits and you could stretch the years to decades – given time you probably wouldn’t notice.
Winston Smith
MG,
surely our high ranking in the Freedom Association pub quiz must give you pause for thought? We’re only one step away from winning next time (although that particular step involves kidnapping the compere and threatening him with extreme violence to ask some questions that someone might know who doesn’t spend his life eavesdropping in Westminster water closets.)