The critics said his writing was clumsy, ungrammatical, repetitive and repetitive. They said it was full of unnecessary tautology. They said his prose was swamped in a sea of mixed metaphors. For some reason they found something funny in sentences such as “His eyes went white, like a shark about to attack.” They even say my books are packed with banal and superfluous description, thought the 5ft 9in man. He particularly hated it when they said his imagery was nonsensical. It made his insect eyes flash like a rocket.
If you haven’t already, do please go and read the whole thing. If, like me, you have chosen to avoid Brown’s oeuvre then read Pullum first.
Following on from the launch of Inspiration Mars, billionaire Dennis Tito’s project to send a middle-aged couple on a non-stop a return trip to Mars, I had to wonder who my readership would want to send (involuntarily) on this trip.
Tony and Cherie Blair?
Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper?
Chris Hunhe and Vicky Pryce?
Neil and Christine Hamilton?
John Major and Edwina Currie
David and Victoria Beckham?
Or are these all people we’d like to send on a one-way trip?
The comments section is open for further suggestions…
Making the mistake of clicking on a link which Guido was pimping on twitter this morning, my eye was drawn not to the small out-of-focus picture of someone who might or might not have been Prince Harry but to the vanity URL being used for the post:
Dumb criminals are, well, dumb. Heck, there is even a website devoted to exposing ther stupidity to the world.
Meet Martin Peckham… the latest addition to the pantheon of stupidity. Aged 41, he is supposedly a dental technican when he isn’t being an idiot. And, oh boy, is he an idiot.
Martin apparently needed some money to pay for a house and his wedding (although why anyone would wish to marry such a fool is beyond me) but was a little strapped for cash. So he did what any normal person in such a situation would do and he lowered his sights a bit.
No, silly me, this is the age of ‘must have’ so he took out a loan.
Whoops, no he didn’t do that either. No, Martin, being the intellegensia that he is copied the actions of two other (allegedly*) dumb criminals and decided that the best way to raise the readies was to blackmail Bernie Ecclestone. As you do.
Demanding a sum of £200,000 he claimed, during phone calls to Ecclestone, that kidnappers were planning to abduct his daughter, Tamara.
Truely a first class criminal mind.
If you are going to blackmail a man worth over £2bn, why would you go for a measly £200k? I’d have thought £2m at least.
Even as someone who doesn’t follow F1 or the gossip columns, I know that Tamara Ecclestone is a bit of a socialite. Common sense therefore says that she is probably followed by paparazzi 24/7 and thus any kidnap attempt would likely to be a non-starter. Instead why not mention family members whose movements aren’t tracked all day, every day?
Demanding money for handing over details of a crime makes you look like more of a scumbag than the supposed criminals you are intending to shop.
Martin Peckham, you are a prat and you deserve everything you get.
* They are facing trial in February so any comments on their case will be censored.
With the hiding of tobacco products (no doubt to be followed by plain packing); minimum pricing on alcohol (no doubt to be followed by measures similar to those enacted against tabacco); the new idea to slap age certificates on pop videos and a myriad of other inanities which the UK population are going to be made to suffer, in part, because of the ‘think of the children’ lobby, it is surprising gratifying to come across a piece of draconian stupidity which has nothing to do with this government.
Instead I bring you the US government’s ban on Kinder Surprise eggs because of – you guessed it – the children:
As Easter approaches, U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) reminds international travelers not to bring any Kinder Surprise eggs into the U.S. Also known as Kinder Eggs, these chocolate treats may be cute and seasonal but they are too dangerous to children to be imported legally into the U.S. The problem is the small plastic toy inside the Kinder Egg. While sold in many countries, this product is banned from the U.S. because young children can choke on it.
Does anyone have any figures as to how many children have choked on the surprise inside of a Kinder Surprise? I would be surprised if the figure were even as high as 1 in 100.
Can someone please stop the world, I wont to get off!
At some point during of the premiership of Gordon Brown, the following joke crossed my radar once or twice. You may yourselves have seen it.
In the spirit of recycling, I present it to you again. All I’ve changed is the names.
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the M25. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, ‘What’s going on?’
‘Terrorists down the road have hijacked a coach containing the Prime Minister David Cameron and his top aides Nick Clegg, George Osborne and Theresa May. They’re asking for a £10 million ransom. Otherwise they’re going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire.. We’re going from car to car, taking up a collection.
‘The driver asks, ‘How much is everyone giving, on average?